The Danger of Isolation

I have been thinking a lot about isolation lately. Our house is almost empty, the children have grown and most have moved on to establish their own rhythms and places.  Work fills our days with tasks and responsibilities but often leaves me “free” in the evening.  The phone never rings. TV is bust.  Dozens of half-completed house projects stare back at me.  The yard has never looked so nice.

‘Time-alone’ is a sought after treasure.  A time to think, read, and ‘do what I want to do.’  The menu is simpler, conflicts are reduced, and no one is around to question decisions made or decisions postponed.   However, I am coming to understand the dangerous differences between being alone, loneliness and isolation. Social distancing has consequences.

We all need ‘time-away’.  Time to seek God’s voice, reflect, relax and recover.  We ask ourselves important questions and listen for the Spirit’s voice.  Jesus was reported to regularly retreat and seek out places of solitude and prayer.

However, the very first warning in the creation story is “It is not good for man to be alone.”  When people are alone, many struggle with burdens, anxiety, addictions and the sorrow of opportunities lost.  Temptation knocks. It is likely loneliness enhances feelings of depression and primes the spiral of dark thoughts.   Loneliness fills minds with accusations and bitterness.  Dark dark.

But I have come to see that something even worse than loneliness is isolation.  While being lonely is a sad condition, a descriptive adjective, isolate is a noun and a verb.  It can be self-inflicted, a misguided self-remedy.  It also can be a dangerous weapon, used to punish another, but turns out to be mutually toxic. It is known that solitary confinement is the greatest punishment.  Why would one sentence oneself to isolation?

The Word of God consistently invites us into relationships.  The Father’s will is for us to know him and be ourselves known.  He has designed us to be surrounded by family and friends for safety, encouragement and joy.

There is a time of pain immediately after an injury.  But minutes after a burn, a cut or a break, our body begins the healing process.  Experts provide medicine, companions supply care and the body begins to heal. Healthy others is the remedy to our emotional and relational pain.

My friends, who are your close friends?  Who do you rely on, who really knows you?  If the list is blank, your schedule empty and the phone never rings, I encourage you to diligently seek out others!  The cure to isolation is God-given companions. 

A tour of being alone in the Bible (Scripture referenced):  Mark 1:35, Genesis 2:18, Job 7:16, Psalm 16:5, Ecclesiastes 4:8-12, John 16:32-33, Romans 14:7, 1 Timothy 5:5, I John 1:1-4.

What Fixes all that is Broken?

Recommended reading: ­­­­­­­2 Corinthians 5:1-21

Clearly, we all do not interpret our world’s problems in the same way nor do we agree on what can fix them.  Depending upon ‘what news we listen to’ it appears Americans are split 49%-49% on many issues. What all is broken and what direction we should go next is quite divisive.   The list of broken systems covers almost everything in our society.  Poverty, the economy, our ability to be healthy, education, racism, the culture wars, 5-4 Supreme Court decisions, re-interpreting our history and yet another election cycle may bring us to despair. 

Nothing seems secure anymore.  Our distress is not only about society’s issues but may be much more personal. ‘I am not as young and healthy or confident as I once was.’  So, what can fix all that is broken?

Paul writes the church in Corinth who lived in a wildly unchristian culture several foundational ideas.

It is God who gives us a purpose and a promise.  Even though our earthly body is falling apart, we look forward to our heavenly existence.

Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come (5:5).

We put our confidence in God’s eternal plan. We live by faith and not by sight.

So, we make it our goal to please him. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad (5:9-10).

Our purpose is to persuade others to live for Jesus, even if it makes us look crazy.

Since, then, we know what it is to fear the Lord, we try to persuade others. If we are “out of our mind,” as some say, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you.  For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died.  And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again (5:11, 13-15).

Our greatest calling is to help people be reconciled to God. Paul describes it as not regarding anyone ‘from a worldly point of view’, as an enemy or opponent.

If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!  All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.  God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God (5:17-21).

We may disagree about our society’s problems or solutions, but one thing is sure, living for Jesus is the fix.

What is the Score?

(image: Pastor prays for peace in Columbus, Ohio)

Recommended reading: Nehemiah 9

In the book of Nehemiah there is a lengthy account of the history of the people of Israel.  We find the people who rebuilt Jerusalem after its devastation coming together to worship the Lord:

They stood in their places and confessed their sins and the sins of their ancestors.  They stood where they were and read from the Book of the Law of the Lord their God for a quarter of the day and spent another quarter in confession and in worshiping the Lord their God.  (Neh. 9:2-3)

They stood where they were.

The Israelites had a tumultuous history.  The Lord had made them a people, heard their cries, recused them from Egypt, spoke to them from Heaven and led them into the promised land. 

Yet over and over again the people rebelled.  Arrogant and “stiff-necked” they rejected the Lord’s ways.  God rescued them yet again, but afterwards the people would again turn their backs on God.  Then the people discovered the Word of the Lord.  Truth is the first step on the path to recovery.

They confessed their sins and the sins of their ancestors. (9:2)

Admitting where we are is not an easy place to be.  We hold onto allusions that we created our own success, that we are in charge of our security and that we are innocent.  “As long as I am comfortable, I am unaffected by the suffering of my neighbor.” The Word of God disagrees. There comes a day where we must face the injustices, address the problems of our society, understand the issues of our history and confess our own sins.  Confession is the doorway to worship.

‘Because of your great compassion you did not abandon them in the wilderness.’  (9:19)

So, while the Bible continually points out humanity’s shortcomings, it also continually points out the Lord’s faithfulness.  The Lord does not fail to guide us, he continues to show us the light.   He freely gives us his Spirit and provides for us all we need.    Even when terrible turmoil, illness and enemies invade the land, the Lord is still faithfully delivering us from our troubles.  God’s faithfulness is the signpost to the road of reconciliation.

Now therefore, our God, the great God, mighty and awesome, who keeps his covenant of love, do not let all this hardship seem trifling in your eyes—the hardship that has come on us, on our kings and leaders, on our priests and prophets, on our ancestors and all your people, from the days of the kings … until today. (Neh. 9:32)

Chapter 9 closes with ‘We are in great distress.’ (9:37)

What is the score in the ability to fix our problems?  God 1000, Humanity 0.

The Power of Normal

In our human experience, many of us thrive best within a predictable routine.  Now, I should be the last person on Earth to speak about the advantages of routine.   On the scale of someone who thrives on variety… to someone who enjoys routine, I fall off the scale looking for random new things & people each day. But even chaos for some people could be interpreted as a routine.

Science says that a regular sleep pattern is essential.  We eat the same breakfast and same lunch. When we were able to go outside, we would drive the same route, park in the same spot and sit in the same seat on Sunday mornings.  We wear those same old clothes and prefer oldies music ‘from my generation.’  Following a routine means less decisions and that means less stress.  Comfort is found in the familiar.

It is the power of any normal. 

The difficulty of course is what if my normal is not healthy?  It is not all that easy to admit, and it is even harder to change, for habits are hard to break.  Concerning our mind alone, negative thoughts, harmful opinions of others and simply a poor outlook inhibits our ability to experience grace and joy. 

So that is why the power of Scripture is so crucial.  I need new insight, better ideas and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  The power of a new normal. “Chip away O Lord, reform my character.”

So, my friend, we must be vigilant to evaluate our routines, whatever they may be and make sure our patterns are ‘healthy paths’ instead of “unhealthy ruts” emotionally, physically and spiritually.

There is a routine that is good and routine that is bad.  Hmm.

To break up the loneliness of shelter-at-home, I arranged an online high school reunion of my church youth group on this Saturday!  Oh my goodness!  To prepare for this,  I listened to my favorite high school music all week long. This in turn has summoned up 30-year-old memories of people I liked and all the complexity of high school.  

All the patterns of old relationships, quirky people and memories come rushing back like a powerful river current. The old normal.  How could I possible control a conversation of friends from 30 years ago?  Should I expect the relationship dynamics to be the same or hope for something different? Well, the healthier we each are individually will lead us collectively to be “normal” again.  Cheers,  class of 1982.

So Much Change

Literally, everyone’s lives have been thrown on its head.  So many of us have had to recreate our working life and our home life. Plans cancelled. Routines changed.  Hiding in the bedroom to get work done.  Work hours lost and for others work stress doubled. 

I have recently retreated to the patio in our backyard.  It is not very pretty, yet it is newly the most beautiful place in my world.  God meets me there.  Along with all the birds!  If I am outside & supply ample feed, I can count on my little companions arriving each morning.  However, I can’t catch them or take a close-up selfie.  

You know the Spirit of God works that way.  We set aside the time and create the sacred place.  We come with his Word, ready to listen and He is faithful. We can’t catch the Spirit in a bottle, but we know when He shows up.  Last week, I read two paragraphs written ten years ago in a book, waiting for me to directly hear GOD ‘S VOICE! Wow, God is good.

So here is my thought.  In this time of re-inventing our routines of work, family and time at home, I suggest these things:

1)      Expect less of yourself.  You can’t be the perfect parent and accomplish the same amount of work in a completely new pandemic environment.  Take a break from your work and enjoy the people in your life.

2)      Expect more of God.  Slow down & seek Him.  We can’t explain all that is happening.  It is too complex of a problem.  However, millions of people in the World are downloading the YouVersion Bible.  Neighbors are open to new conversations.  Any interest into their needs can build new bridges of sympathy and trust.

3)      Get rid of your worst habit.  Eating too much?  Too much TV?  Waste of time video games?  Pornography?  Worry?  Whatever it is, don’t believe the lie any longer.  That habit has not fulfilled you and it never will. Let’s surrender to the Spirit. It is the first day of the month after all.

4)      Invest in the best idea you have. Whatever hobby, idea, act of compassion or walks with your spouse. Try something new and embrace the joy that follows. God is working among us.

May God bless your community and keep us safe.

Too Many Choices

Our human experience is filled with choices.  We spend an amazing amount of time agonizing over decisions driven by our prosperity and the ridiculous amount of items available to us.

Just after the fall of the Berlin wall, I took a group of Russian co-workers shopping.  The 40,000 sq. ft. grocery store had aisles of shelves stacked full of items. My Russian friends were completely overwhelmed.   The Russian men remained silent, dropping their eyes to the floor.  The Russian woman nearly fainted.   How had I grown comfortable with so much affluence and so many choices?

Making decisions about things & opportunities gives us a sense of power, freedom & fulfillment.   It lines up with the Declaration of Independence’s phrase “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”  But too many things & too many choices also give us stress, regrets and the anxiety of ‘missing out on something’.

A declaration of independence tells us, ‘you deserve better’, ‘don’t get left out’, and ‘decide your own destiny!’  These statements may seem true, but for a follower of Jesus their fulfillment looks quite different.

We have a declaration of dependence upon God.  ‘A better life, not missing out and our destiny’ all point towards a deeper relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ.  More love, less things.  Jesus warned, “Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.”  Luke 12:15 NIV

We have only a few choices to make each day.   Who is the Father asking me to love?  How will I seek Jesus today?  Where is the Spirit leading me?  The challenge remains ‘do we make our choices, or do our choices make us?’